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TOPIC: Joke-o-da-day

Re: Joke-o-da-day 2 years 2 months ago #63220

Labor

A guy calls the hospital. He says, "You gotta send help! My wife's going into labor!" The nurse says, "Calm down. Is this her first child?" He says, "No! This is her friggin husband!"
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Re: Joke-o-da-day 2 years 2 months ago #63234

I live in a semi-rural area. We recently had a new neighbor call the local township administrative office to request the removal of the Deer Crossing sign on our road. The reason: Many deer were being hit by cars and he no longer wanted them to cross there.
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Re: Joke-o-da-day 2 years 2 months ago #63235

lol nice one!
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Re: Joke-o-da-day 1 year 11 months ago #63312

"Some plants," said the teacher, "have the prefix 'dog'. For instance, there is the dogrose, the dogwood, the dogviolet. Now name another plant prefixed by 'dog'."
"I can," shouted a blonde. "Collieflower!"
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Re: Joke-o-da-day 1 year 10 months ago #63328

At this time of the year, when the roadblocks come up with great regularity, I would like to share a personal experience with my closest friends about drinking and driving. As you well know, some of us have been known to have had brushes with the authorities on our way home from an occasional social session over the years.
A couple of nights ago, I was out for an evening with friends and had a couple of cocktails and some rather nice red wine.

Knowing full well I may have been slightly over the limit, I did something I've never done before ~ I took a cab home. Sure enough, I passed a police road block but, since it was a cab, they waved it past.
I arrived home safely without incident, which was a real surprise; as I have never driven a cab before and am not sure where I got it or what to do with it now that it's in my garage.
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Re: Joke-o-da-day 1 year 10 months ago #63330

I was wondering what direction that joke was headed, definately not what I thought! Thanks for another laugh.
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Re: Joke-o-da-day 1 year 10 months ago #63341

Lemon Squeeze

The local bar was so sure that its bartender was the strongest man around that they had a standing $1000 bet. The bartender would squeeze a lemon until all the juice ran into a glass, and hand the lemon to a patron. Anyone who could squeeze one more drop of juice out would win the money. Many people had tried over timebut nobody could do it. One day, a scrawny little man came in, wearing thick glasses and a polyester suit.
"I'd like to try the bet," he said in a tiny, squeaky voice. After the laughter had died down, the bartender grabbed a lemon, and squeezed away. He handed the wrinkled remains of the rind to the little man. But the crowd's laughter turned to total silence as the man clenched his fist around the lemon and six drops fell into the glass. As the crowd cheered, the bartender paid the $1000 and asked the little man what he did for a living. Was he a lumberjack, or a weightlifter, or what?
"I work for the IRS."
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Re: Joke-o-da-day 1 year 10 months ago #63342

:laugh:
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Re: Joke-o-da-day 1 year 10 months ago #63344

Thats a good one thanks for sharing!
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Joke-o-da-day 1 year 9 months ago #63372

3 Wishes

A blonde, a brunette and a redhead are stuck on an island.
One day, the three of them are walking along the beach and discover a magic lamp. They rub and rub, and sure enough, out pops a genie.
The genie says, "Since I can only grant three wishes, you may each have one."
The brunette says, "I've been stuck here for years. I miss my family, my husband, and my life. I just want to go home."
POOF! The brunette gets her wish and she is returned to her family.
Then, the red head says, "I've been stuck here for years as well. I miss my family, my husband, and my life. I wish I could go home too."
POOF! The redhead gets her wish and she is returned to her family.
The blonde starts crying uncontrollably.
The genie asks, "My dear, what's the matter?"
The blonde whimpers, "I wish my friends were still here."
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